Why?
Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”
Some of the signs include that she:
Believes that the abuse is a sign of love
Loves the abuser
Believes the partner when he tells her it will never happen again
Hopes the abuse will change
Feels her family and friends will be ashamed of her
Feels ashamed and humiliated that everyone knows or will know what is happening
SHE ALSO MAY BE AFRAID TO LEAVE BECAUSE SHE IS:
Terrified of becoming homeless
Does not want to split the family up
Believes her children will be deported or taken out of the country
In a same sex relationship, she fears that she will be “outed” or no one will believe her
Fears that if a neighbor reports him he will take revenge on her
SHE MAY BE FINANCIALLY DEPENDENT ON HER ABUSER DUE TO THE FACT THAT:
He controls all their money
She is forced to work at home and raise the children and therefore is unable to seek employment which would give her the freedom to seek an independent life for her and her children
Her contribution to a family business is not recognized by him and may not be recognized by the law
She did not receive enough schooling to be able to get a job
She has no job skills
The property is in her abuser’s name
IF SHE HAS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO ABUSE SHE MAY:
Start to rationale her abuser’s behavior
Blame herself for provoking him (she has consistently been told that the violence has been all her fault)
Believe that she deserves to be hurt
Be too mentally and physically exhausted to take the necessary steps
Not have confidence in herself and her ability to take action
Feels like trying to leave is hopeless since the abuser seems omnipotent
Believe him when he tells her she can’t function without him
Thinks that because she is the only one he is violent with therefore she concludes that it must be something wrong with her.
She believes she has no power to change her situation
Some women believe if they would improve and stop making mistakes that the battering would stop.
They stay because of guilt.
She often accepts he was too drunk to know what he was doing
HER CHILDHOOD:
She may have lived in a home where her father beat her mother, and accepts it as natural.
The more she was hit by her parents, the more likely she’ll stay, she learned at a young age that it’s OK to hit someone you love when they’ve done something wrong.
She, or one of her siblings, may have been a victim of child abuse or incest.
EVEN IF SHE DOES LEAVE IT IS TEMPTING TO GO BACK BECAUSE:
She cannot get enough practical or emotional support
Their children are missing their dad
She is insecure
The abuser persuades her to go back
Government assistance i is very limited and she dreads to go on welfare
She feels him to be all-powerful and able to find her anywhere
Always remember this ladies and repeat after me:
I AM not the cause of someone else’s violent behavior
I AM right to be angry over past beatings
I AM right not to want my children to grow up to batter or be battered
I AM right to leave this battering environment
I AM right in making rules that affect my life
I AM right in providing a healthy environment for myself and my children
I AM right in wanting to live in a safe non-violent home
I AM right in expecting to have privacy on the telephone with my family and friends
I AM deserving of words of encouragement and emotional support
I AM right in expecting to live free from accusation and blame
I AM right not to accept physical, emotional and financial abuse
I AM right to feel my opinions matter
I AM human. I have the right to make mistakes
(LADIES ADD YOUR OWN)